Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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