They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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