Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
