Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
