Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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