my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
