chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
