i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
