so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
