At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
