The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
