Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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