Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
