TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
