Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
