I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
