So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
do herpes really smell.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
