All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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