evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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