im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
