I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
