I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
