he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
