dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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