I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
