At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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