life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
