Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
