I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
