imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
