is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
