We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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