He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
