my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
