Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You ruined the universe
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