Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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