i don't like sucking hair
he shaved USA in his pubs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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