How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
