yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
