Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
