Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
