its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
