I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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