Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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