Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
