I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
