I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
