She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Drunk is not a location!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
