when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just had sex on a roof
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
