oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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