3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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