She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
