Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
