I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
