Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
