I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
