My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
