I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
high people should be assigned attendants
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
