A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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