She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
